Assalam u alaikum wr wb,
I am so tired but Alhamdulilah I so want to write about this beneficial workshop. It is a pleasure to write sometimes. So let’s commence with the name of Allah.
بِسمِ اللہِ الرَّحمٰنِ الرَّحِيم
“In (or with) the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, entirely Merciful.”
Who is the most romantic person on the face of this Earth? Many a times we come across this question and every time we get different confusing answers . Mostly because the personalities we cherish are somehow weak or not true in their essence of fictionalization. Who really is the most romantic person? The person is prophet Muhammad صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم . Why should a person get married?
Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status. her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious, may your hand be besmeared with dust. Sahih Muslim: 3457 (The book of nikaah).
Now a person can get married because of these 4 reasons. The one reason which is prioritized is her religious commitment. Wonder why? The beauty will last some years and if you have married for that reason will you then divorce your spouse? The lineage and wealth can also crash down. What then? But the lasting thing will be the religious commitment in amazing ways that is the love will begin in this world and will end in the hereafter. That’s the happily ever after, and not the one that we have falsified/fantasized for ourselves. Rather it is someone who will save me and protect me in this world and the means in the hereafter In Sha Allah.
So, the first thing is to get the criteria straight. Don’t compromise on your requirements while getting married. & Don’t confuse yourselves and don’t rush , it’s a big decision.
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.
Surah Rum :21
The second important thing to keep in mind is that when married there is a certain aspect of love during the recent years but after time passes there is necessarily not “love always” , as a routine is now started and it is usually frustrating and it is hard to keep up with the same pace being human. So, the rehmah(mercifulness, gratitude) then keeps the relationship going.
Marriage doesn’t have to kill love. If both parties are sincere and show concern for each others needs. Ibn al qayyim
Thirdly, spouses should stop taking each other for granted. It is therefore important to grow the relationships as much as needed. Relationship is not a salad bar , we cannot pick and choose the attributes of our spouse. You have to break the template which you have created of your spouse.
As it is a fact that men and women are not created alike. They are two very different beings. One should understand that the spouses don’t think alike as well. The way men think are sequenced and women think in a random fashion. May be that’s why men have wallets and women have big purses/bags. Understand ,A man likes to talk about achievements while socializing and women likes to socialize . That is why an encouragement of different sort is needed for them both. A woman is sensitive about sharing.
Prophet Muhammad صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم used to recite Quran , share food through same utensils as Aisha razi allah tala anha . & Aisha razi allah tala anha used to comb prophet’s hair. They had a chemistry.They laughed. They felt even jeoulos and protective as a normal husband or wife. We have put them on the high pedestals that we don’t know what it truly means to follow the sunnah. Prophet Muhammad صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم used to share stories with his wives,used to joke ,used to run with them as well as do all his chores himself صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم. Who do we follow? How many men do we know who can do all those things and don’t impose their manliness over women.
هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ
“They are clothing/covering (libaas) for you and you for them….”
Spouses are garments for one another. Garment saves us from shamelessness. Garment also beautifies us and meanwhile a person gets beautified in the eyes of Allah subhana wa ta’ala. A garment hides and screens us in a way that it hides our faults and do not advertise them. Garment is closest to one’s body. Garment also provides protection and shields. When one serves another the level of respect increases.
Practical Points :
- The public display of affection should be limited and should not create a corruption in the society. To hold hands in a place where it doesn’t matter is okay but to hold hands in khayber pakhtunkhwa is a big deal. So,one has to be careful.
- A level of respect should always be there but it should be made a compulsion from day one. No abusive language should ever be used between husband and wife.
- He wants to feel needed and she wants to feel loved. Work together collectively. Promise to defend each other. Come to each other’s rescue. That is how the mawaddah and rehmah will grow.
- Frequently make each other feel loved through kind words and little gestures.
- Do little acts of service accordingly. This will show your concern and interest in family matter. That can be like assisting with the house and office work.
- Understanding each other.
- Spending quality time with each other which includes no technology devices. Do something together.
- Give gifts. Share some poetry , or nicknames that shows your affection.
“Our Lord! Grant unto us spouses and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous. (Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wa dhurriyatina qurrata a`yunin wa’j`alna li’l muttaqina imama)” [Qur’an, 25:74]
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَاماً
Allahuma Ameen Ya Rabb.